My dreams have been incoherent and often disturbing these months. Recently I dreamt of being cut open in a surgery room without anaesthesia, which was quite horrific in itself as I watched in horror, shrieking, as the sick surgeon (who had some Andrew Lloyd Webber song playing in the surgery room, most likely from Phantom of the Opera) prepared to slit me open with the scalpel. I have also dreamt of being tortured, slashed all over with minute knife wounds, strangled, tied up, beaten up...And I have no idea why I'm having these dreams. I must have a dangerously tormented subconscious.
Another disturbing dream where I did not play some sort of lead role was where my cat fell apart. I love Meemee to bits, but to dream of her legs falling off due to some degenerative disease was heartbreaking.
It would be easy to disregard all my dreams as mere nonsense. (I even remember a period when I had amazingly adventure-filled dreams, where I played hero/heroine and took part in all sorts of action-packed dramas, including espionage thrillers, ninja intrigue/wars, rescue missions, monster-killing...*lol* my subconscious must have been rebelling against my mundane/boring life!!!) But circumstances have a way of disarming or unnerving you when you least expect it, you know?
I remember waking up from a relatively serene dream with a clear and distinct message: That I would meet someone of great importance to me, who would make a huge difference in my life, and that this person would be named either "Christopher" or "Michael". This dream stood out from all the rest because I awoke feeling at peace, calm. And faintly amused. I guess the skeptic in me was chuckling.
Well, I met someone less than a month ago, and now we're in love. (He'd be rather happy to read this, I tell you, because I have never been able to tell him how much I feel about and care for him.)
The question remains: whether this is just a wierd coincidence, or some eerie twist of fate? You tell me, my friends. Do our dreams foretell the future?
His name is Daniel Christopher Tolentino.
(Okay, skeptics, go ahead and guffaw.)
Wednesday, June 29, 2005
Monday, June 27, 2005
Sunday, June 26, 2005
Working Versus Striving
Tuesday, May 24, 2005
by Os Hillman
So he said to me, "This is the word of the Lord to Zerubbabel: 'Not by might nor by power, but by My Spirit,' says the Lord Almighty."
~ Zechariah 4:6
Your greatest obstacle in fulfilling God's purposes in your life is the skills you have acquired to perform well in your work life. One of the great paradoxes in Scripture relates to our need to depend on the Lord; yet at the same time, we're instructed to use the talents and abilities God gives us to accomplish the work He gives us to do. It has been one of the most difficult principles to live out. How do we know that what we achieve is by the power of the Holy Spirit in our life versus our own abilities, and is there a difference?
When we reach a level of excellence and performance in our fields, it actually becomes an obstacle to seeing God's power manifest in our work. What we naturally do well becomes the object of our trust. When this happens, God retreats. You see, God allows us to develop skills, but these must be continually yielded to God's Spirit. There will be times when God will use these skills to accomplish His purposes. There will be other times that God will not use any of our skills just to ensure that we know it is by His power that we can do anything.
It is the oxymoron of all oxymorons for Christian workplace believers. Learning not to act until God shows you to act is a sign of maturity in God. "Do not lean on the natural skill which you have been given. Let God manifest Himself in what you are doing," said a mentor who has learned this balance of skill and walking with God. "You must almost restrain from doing those things you know you are prone to do and actually go against them."
I was learning this lesson recently when I was asked to participate in a large event that would give great exposure and much needed financial increase to my ministry. It made all the sense in the world to participate. Then I prayed with a friend and asked the Lord His mind on it. The Lord showed us this was not His plan for me. I declined the invitation.
Ask God to teach you what it means to walk according to the power of the Holy Spirit in your business life. Develop a listening ear to the small voice inside that wants to direct your efforts by His Spirit.
by Os Hillman
So he said to me, "This is the word of the Lord to Zerubbabel: 'Not by might nor by power, but by My Spirit,' says the Lord Almighty."
~ Zechariah 4:6
Your greatest obstacle in fulfilling God's purposes in your life is the skills you have acquired to perform well in your work life. One of the great paradoxes in Scripture relates to our need to depend on the Lord; yet at the same time, we're instructed to use the talents and abilities God gives us to accomplish the work He gives us to do. It has been one of the most difficult principles to live out. How do we know that what we achieve is by the power of the Holy Spirit in our life versus our own abilities, and is there a difference?
When we reach a level of excellence and performance in our fields, it actually becomes an obstacle to seeing God's power manifest in our work. What we naturally do well becomes the object of our trust. When this happens, God retreats. You see, God allows us to develop skills, but these must be continually yielded to God's Spirit. There will be times when God will use these skills to accomplish His purposes. There will be other times that God will not use any of our skills just to ensure that we know it is by His power that we can do anything.
It is the oxymoron of all oxymorons for Christian workplace believers. Learning not to act until God shows you to act is a sign of maturity in God. "Do not lean on the natural skill which you have been given. Let God manifest Himself in what you are doing," said a mentor who has learned this balance of skill and walking with God. "You must almost restrain from doing those things you know you are prone to do and actually go against them."
I was learning this lesson recently when I was asked to participate in a large event that would give great exposure and much needed financial increase to my ministry. It made all the sense in the world to participate. Then I prayed with a friend and asked the Lord His mind on it. The Lord showed us this was not His plan for me. I declined the invitation.
Ask God to teach you what it means to walk according to the power of the Holy Spirit in your business life. Develop a listening ear to the small voice inside that wants to direct your efforts by His Spirit.
Tuesday, June 21, 2005
a mediocre confession...let the cynics cringe in agony!
Mortality be our doom.
If life does end, and we
lie as carcasses
consumed by the scavengers
Let not the vultures eat
my memory of you.
Anger be our folly.
If strife does destroy this bond,
and my bitterness sour
the pure state of our unity
Let not my hatred taint
my memory of you.
Intellect be my sword, double-edged.
If my mind is lost in the wilderness of reality
and temperance scattered in the storms of mere perception
Let not my madness undo
my memory of you.
Passion be your game, perhaps.
If all the stakes are played to loss,
every dealing hand seeing no hope of redemption -
a futile gamble in volatile circumstances
Let not the heartbreak shatter
my memory of you.
Change is our constant.
Even as I turn blind to the joys and tragedies
that the future may present
I pray for a singular vision of truth.
That in your deepest core
these mere words lie in your memory of me.
If life does end, and we
lie as carcasses
consumed by the scavengers
Let not the vultures eat
my memory of you.
Anger be our folly.
If strife does destroy this bond,
and my bitterness sour
the pure state of our unity
Let not my hatred taint
my memory of you.
Intellect be my sword, double-edged.
If my mind is lost in the wilderness of reality
and temperance scattered in the storms of mere perception
Let not my madness undo
my memory of you.
Passion be your game, perhaps.
If all the stakes are played to loss,
every dealing hand seeing no hope of redemption -
a futile gamble in volatile circumstances
Let not the heartbreak shatter
my memory of you.
Change is our constant.
Even as I turn blind to the joys and tragedies
that the future may present
I pray for a singular vision of truth.
That in your deepest core
these mere words lie in your memory of me.
Saturday, June 18, 2005
Tuesday, June 14, 2005
DC
This time, I don't even know
what to think.
Perhaps, just perhaps,
I have to acknowledge that it's His doing.
I'll have to stop struggling and cease this
tiresome adversarial standstill
with my pathetic broken heart.
My mind wrestles with the concept
of a resolution
The past
Future
Now
Fear
Doubts
Pain
Desire...
And that sweet duplicity of Defeat.
what to think.
Perhaps, just perhaps,
I have to acknowledge that it's His doing.
I'll have to stop struggling and cease this
tiresome adversarial standstill
with my pathetic broken heart.
My mind wrestles with the concept
of a resolution
The past
Future
Now
Fear
Doubts
Pain
Desire...
And that sweet duplicity of Defeat.
Thursday, June 09, 2005
My Thoughts this fortnight, Listed.
In no particular order:
1. London as a place to live in and work in
2. Hong Kong as a place to work
3. Australia as a place to run away to
4. Pride: What I Really Want to Do VERSUS Integrity: Proving that I Can Do What They Want
5. Lust, Betrayal, Infidelity, Carpe Diem, Passion VERSUS Trust, Truth, Faith, Loyalty, Morality, Mundanity
6. Why do Gemini people cause me so much misery? Or is it just a freakish coincidence?
7. Escape
8. The original/unique self/identity/persona VERSUS the perceived/expected self/identity/persona
9. The Mind VERSUS The Body VERSUS The Soul
10. Switzerland as a place to be born again in
11. Why do Singaporeans hate themselves as a country? Are we just ugly people?
12. Confirmity/Being Homogenous VERSUS Difference/Risk/Rejection/Being Alone
13. Fear
14. God
15. The Heart
16. Being Alive, Living a good/meaningful/fulfilled life, Existing
17. Consciousness/Awareness
18. Feeling
19. Negative Emotions VERSUS Rationalisation
20. The Pursuit of Pleasure, Happiness, Balance
Does all that mean my brain is in overdrive, that I THINK TOO BLOODY MUCH?
.
.
.
.
.
.
Looks like the answer is YES.
1. London as a place to live in and work in
2. Hong Kong as a place to work
3. Australia as a place to run away to
4. Pride: What I Really Want to Do VERSUS Integrity: Proving that I Can Do What They Want
5. Lust, Betrayal, Infidelity, Carpe Diem, Passion VERSUS Trust, Truth, Faith, Loyalty, Morality, Mundanity
6. Why do Gemini people cause me so much misery? Or is it just a freakish coincidence?
7. Escape
8. The original/unique self/identity/persona VERSUS the perceived/expected self/identity/persona
9. The Mind VERSUS The Body VERSUS The Soul
10. Switzerland as a place to be born again in
11. Why do Singaporeans hate themselves as a country? Are we just ugly people?
12. Confirmity/Being Homogenous VERSUS Difference/Risk/Rejection/Being Alone
13. Fear
14. God
15. The Heart
16. Being Alive, Living a good/meaningful/fulfilled life, Existing
17. Consciousness/Awareness
18. Feeling
19. Negative Emotions VERSUS Rationalisation
20. The Pursuit of Pleasure, Happiness, Balance
Does all that mean my brain is in overdrive, that I THINK TOO BLOODY MUCH?
.
.
.
.
.
.
Looks like the answer is YES.
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