Honesty and Truth are not quite alike, just as one bitch differs from the next

This is a letter to one woman.

You may think you are powerful and doing wonders, but God knows the truth of your actions.

Why would anyone prey on the dreams, desires, vanities and generosity of others, exploiting their kindness and labor for free, promising so much but ultimately delivering nothing? How long can you play this game before all those you have exploited before turn against you? What kind of hypocritical heart lies behind this facade of success?

I can only pray that Christ removes you, lifts the trauma and burden you have caused from my consciousness, that my mind and heart will release all this upset, pain and fury, that I will find the kindness within myself to forgive and forget.

For a short period, recently, I thought I was able to forgive and forget, that perhaps it was depression that had tainted my view of you, that perhaps I would attempt to refresh what began as a warm Christian friendship, and start anew with you, since time washes away old woes and hurts.

I had admired from a respectful distance your apparent success and growth as a business, your drive, your skill at drawing people to you, your faith that God was good to you and giving you all you needed for progress.

I now see that I was wrong. I was wrong in believe in the goodness of your supposed cause. I was wrong to hope that you had grown enough as an entity and as a person to better manage resources, to operate more ethically.

I curse my faith in the goodness of humankind and the righteousness of the God-fearing Christian. You, proclaiming so loudly and publicly your gratitude to God for your success and achievements, provoke disgust, even horror, with the manipulations you employ to fulfill your so-called God-driven goals. What kind of Christian exploits others to serve himself/herself?

I am slow to anger, and it has taken years to get all this out logically, sensibly.

God knows I am angry now. Christ take this wrath from my heart, I beg.

In fairness and frankness, there are worse people out there, compared to you. I have had enough close encounters to make a clear-headed comparison. It is my unfortunate lot that I have had to meet with such a nightmare-inducing handful of utterly heartless, vicious, even evil persons, and I can perhaps only mourn the fact that my life is like so.

You betrayed me first. Lulled me into trusting you and your warm persona. Then slowly eroding my esteem and certainty with your passive aggressiveness, paranoia and subtle yet cutting condemnations... while I turned my life and health upside down working at all hours, trying to deliver what you demanded, dragging my loved ones into it as well, placing my other job and career at risk to give you what you needed, all the while enduring your threats that my service was expendable and that others were waiting to jump at the opportunities you could offer them.

With patience and a humble heart I persevered, but when I realized that you never intended to pay what was due, I had to cut my losses and quit before my own life and mind descended into tragedy. I thank God that you even bothered to pay half. And I thought to myself that I should not play the fool in your game, ever again.

But play the fool I did. Again. In the spirit of forgiveness I have taken this step forward, with anxiety and caution, to strike up this friendship again. With naivete and an open heart I attended to your invitations and, despite my discomfort with strangers and dealing with crowds, forced myself to speak with and befriend your associates, "your alliances" and "strategic partners" (to quote you.)

I went in without any intentions, without any agenda, with complete openness to whatever opportunity might occur. I was willing to see where I could help and where my input would fit in. You yourself told me to "just go in, make friends, network!"...and so I did.

Your lovely "strategic partner" was the one who approached me with such effusive enthusiasm, gushing about the opportunities she could offer and asking me to contact her for further discussions, which I did.

Perhaps I should not have bothered with the polite standard follow-up email then. I had no obligation to do so, and yet I prepped my friends and wanted to bring things further, giving my time and effort to coordinate what I thought would be a chance to do an interesting project with friends while participating in an area of interest to us. I even noted to Madam Strategic Partner that this project was intended to dovetail with yours.

Who would bother to compete with Your Godly Highness in your wonderful massive nationwide free-for-all project?

Who would have known that the two of you would bitch about this after the deal became a no go?

Do consider that my friends have the complete freedom to question Madam Strategic Partner's approach/requests/terms, to wonder about your cause and voice their concerns about joining a probably non-paying job with a short time-frame. They also have the complete freedom to decline.

Who would have known that in your delightfully paranoid and self-righteous mind (notably unchanged in attitude despite the years gone by, some things never get better with age it seems!) you would think that I was trying to mess around with "your friends", threatening "your project"?

Why should I have to answer to you and report to you my plans and such? You are not my boss anymore. And do you think you even have any right to control who I network with?

Granted, I did not go about it in an organised manner and perhaps my correspondence with the various parties was vague and unclear, since there were so many uncertainties. This I confess.

But, I repeat, and I bet nobody even wants to answer this:
Who would bother to compete with Your Godly Highness in your wonderful massive nationwide free-for-all project?

Honestly, I wouldn't bother. And from now on, I will no longer bother with you and your motherfucking games.
Fuck off.
That's it.