Thought Puking

This is a cry for help.
It was not the first time she ran away from home or threatened to abandon everything in this wretched life and seek her own demise. She has never stopped being pessimistic and assuming the worst of such situations; that she was being polarised, blamed, discarded, sabotaged, and even abused. Yes, we took her for granted. We cannot avoid the blame; we must point accusatory fingers at ourselves.
The problem had been ballooning all the time; we just never knew how to deal with it or face it. We covered it up with a sheer and shallow belief that things will blow over and that all these issues are small, unrelated complications that will fade in time from our memories. That such unhappiness can be ignored and will go away after being neglected for a while.
It's becoming a pattern, like some chronic disease, like epilepsy. An attack shakes us up, makes us panic, but when it is over we deliberately erase it from our consciousness. And then slowly, the disease develops it's own character, it's own complications, begins to have a destructive spirit that hides behind the facade of our comfortable lives, grinning, planning it's next move.
Perhaps my paranoia feeds this threat of destruction, offers it a gift of emotional weakness that only makes a mockery of my concern, my guilt, my deep-seated helplessness. Men do not feel like this, do they? They just do not have this vein of insecurity within them. They prefer to dismiss the whole event, as though hushing the whines of an irritating child throwing a random temper tantrum.
But she is no child, and the problem is no random event. Do we wait for the hurricane at the end of this Butterfly Effect, wait for the bomb to explode one day and shatter us all? Or am I simply exaggerating this entirety in my own overwrought mind, letting it corrode my sensibilities?
I do not know. Only the helplessness grows. Without them there will be nothing left, and already the emptiness is like an open sore that gnaws the heart, a beast that knows no limits to its hunger.
God help us.